


I'M JUST THE GUY IN FRONT OF THE TV.

by PENDRAGONISMS



Category: Gintama
Genre: Age Difference, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Gintoki, Bottom Gintoki, Cheating, Cigarettes, Crossdressing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Happy, Happy Ending, Homelessness, Love, M/M, Marriage, One Night Stands, Sad and Happy, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26150914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PENDRAGONISMS/pseuds/PENDRAGONISMS
Summary: "Why did you have sex with me?"aka Sakata Gintoki and Hasegawa Taizou had a one night stand and this is everything that happens afterwards.
Relationships: Hasegawa Taizou/Sakata Gintoki
Comments: 14
Kudos: 36





	1. THE MORNING AFTER.

**HASEGAWA WAS AWAKE AND STARING UP AT THE CEILING.** The room was mostly dark, except for some light that was seeping in through the window. His eyes squinted a bit and then he sighed out loudly. What happened? Why did it end up like this? His gaze was then drawn to the body pressed right up against his own. A leg was draped over him. Thigh touching thigh. The other's skin was warm. In fact, it seemed like his whole body was just emitting heat. It wasn't uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, actually. The room was quiet, too. Apart from the breaths that he felt hitting his shoulder everytime the other exhaled. Because that's where his head was resting. On his bare shoulder.

Oh god. The man lifted a hand and put it to his face, rubbing at his tanned skin tiredly. What the hell had he done? _Sakata Gintoki, that's what_. No. No. No. Don't think about that. It was nothing. Just a one night stand. A spur of the moment sort of thing. That's it. That's all it had been. They acted on a whim. An impulse. It was a mistake, too. An accident. It shouldn't have happened. He pressed his palm against one of his eyes. Why? Why? _W_ _hy_ had he let himself get caught up in all the heat and passion and desire? He didn't even have any sort of excuse. He couldn't say he'd been drunk because he was sober _the_ _whole time_. At least the last time this happened, he had been able to blame it on the alcohol.

The man next to him stirred a bit and the sudden movement drew his attention back down to the other body once more. Gin's hand had been pressed flat against his naked chest but now it was balled up into a lose fist and his thumb brushed against Hasegawa's skin ever so slightly. It was a very gentle, subtle feeling and it sent a shudder down his spine.

"Hasegawa-san..." His breath tickled the older man's flesh and his voice was deeper than usual because he had just woken up. It made the Madao's lips press into a thin frown. He didn't say anything in reply. He had no idea _what_ to say. What are you supposed to say to a man you slept with the night before? Flashes of it came back to him. Vivid scenes that would be forever engraved in his memory. Every sound. Every movement his body made. All of it. Shakily, he released a low sigh and then draped his arm over his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly. Maybe if he didn't acknowledge the other, he wouldn't have to acknowledge how sinfully they had acted, either. Which was stupid, childish thinking, of course. Still, a man can dream.

Hasegawa jumped slightly when he felt his jaw being touched and he slid his arm up enough to peek out at Gintoki with one eye. The man was staring at him with that dead, half lidded gaze of his. Staring straight into his soul. It made his shoulders tense up. He was slowly tracing from his chin up to his ear and back down again with his nail. Gin then tapped gently with his fingertip for a moment before he sat up, using an elbow to lean on. "You look better without those awful sunglasses, you know." He mumbled, his tone lazy and dragging.

A blink of surprise was the initial response to the samurai's words. He moved his arm completely so he could get a better look at Gintoki who had shut his eyes. He yawned and stuck his finger up his nose but Hasegawa was too distracted by what he'd just heard to care or be bothered by such a gross display. Had that been a compliment...? Considering he was nothing but a lousy, broke loser, it wasn't very often he got complimented, even if it was something small like what he'd just been told. Not to mention, he _never_ heard nice things from young, attractive men such as Gintoki. Not that Gintoki was attractive! Well, he _was_.. as long as you looked past the mop top hair and the sloppy way he dressed and his dead fish eyes and-- okay, so he was good looking in Hasegawa's opinion, but that didn't mean anything. Anyways, he was just perplexed that someone like Gin would say something like that to him in the first place.

The man with the lighter hair pulled his finger out of his nose, now frowning a bit as he glanced down at his counterpart who was staring at the ceiling. Again. Hasegawa hadn't said a single thing to him. Which was a bit irritating. You can fuck a guy but not look him in the eyes the next morning? He gave a low 'tch' then slowly bent his leg at the knee. He pressed his knee down against the older man's crotch, probably a bit _too_ hard but he didn't care. He felt him flinch under the sudden added pressure and it made him smirk tiredly.

"Ow... what did you do that for?"

"Does your dick hurt? Because my back is _killing_ me. So's my ass. All thanks to you, you old pervert." Of course, Gintoki really didn't mean that harshly. His head tilted to the side a bit and he was finally able to catch Hasegawa's eye. He made sure to hold his gaze.

"Well, it does _now_. Why'd you do that?" The man asked again.

" _B_ _ecause_ , you weren't saying a single thing. Where was my 'Good morning, Gin-san' or my 'How are you, Gin-san?' or 'Are you okay? Does your ass hurt because of how hard I--" Hasegawa decided to cut him off there by putting a hand over his mouth. He didn't want to hear anything about that. About what they'd done. After a few seconds, he felt something warm and wet against his palm. He pulled his hand away, wiping Gin's saliva off on his bare thigh.

Then it was quiet again. It made the younger sigh out loudly. He had one elbow propped up on the couch between them and he decided to move it so his elbow was digging into the elder's shoulder instead, his chin being cradled in his hand. A second or two passed this time before he felt the other wince. Hasegawa lifted his hand and pushed the arm off of him. Then he rolled onto his side so his back was to Gintoki, staying as close to the edge of the couch as he could without falling off.

Gin slowly laid back down, wine red hues now staring at the tanned back of his companion. With rough fingertips, he carefully traced along the scratch marks that he'd left, proof of what they'd done last night. A moment passed and he shut his eyes, flinging an arm over Hasegawa and pressing his forehead up against the spot between his shoulder blades.

"Why?"

"Why?" Gintoki repeated after yawning, shutting his eyes once more. "Why what? You could be asking anything when you say that. Why is the sky blue? Why is the cost of living so expensive? Why does my ass itch? Why are you a useless Madao? Why does your ass itch? I could go on but I think you get the point..."

"No, I meant--" Dammit. Hasegawa bit into his lower lip. He really hadn't wanted to have to explain it. He clenched one hand into a fist and did his best to ignore the caresses of the other's breath hitting his skin everytime he spoke.

"Why did we...?"

"Huh? Why did we what, Hasegawa? Come on. Use your words."

"Why did we have sex?" He asked that louder and more bluntly than he'd intended to which resulted in his cheeks becoming flushed. He swallowed and the room was so quiet that Gintoki had heard it. "More specifically..." Then his voice lowered to a barely audible whisper, his expression becoming both confused and sad. Not that the samurai could see it. He was behind him, after all.

"Why did you have sex with _me_?"

Of course, the former government official already had a good idea as to why Gintoki did. It was because he was easy. He was an easy lay. Just a hopeless old guy who was desperate and wouldn't say no. Of course, these were all just Hasegawa's assumptions but... he didn't think too highly of himself. It was hard to have any confidence when you were a washed up old loser like him. So, in his eyes, there was no other reason for anyone to sleep with him. It wasn't like there was anything actually enjoyable about his company. 

"What does it matter why? Why is nothing but a minor detail and if you get hung up on that, it'll just make you depressed." Gin mumbled, sounding a bit irritated. He put a hand to one of the older man's shoulders, giving it a squeeze before he let the tip of his nose brush along his collarbone. He was pressed right up against Hasegawa's backside, one leg now draped over him. He felt hasegawa tense up from how close they were.

"That's not an answer..."

"It is too an answer! It's just not the answer you want. Sorry, but I'm not in the business of giving people the answers they want."

Nothing Gintoki said was making the elder feel any better. If anything, it was just making him feel _worse_. He wasn't in the mood for his cryptic replies that weren't answers (even if Gin said they were). Huffing, he lifted a hand and scratched at the side of his face. A shudder went down his spine thanks to the guy breathing down his neck.

"Do you regret it?" He asked a different question. One that was more specific. Surely he'd get a good answer now.

"Do _you_ regret it?" WHAT? All he did was turn the question back on him! That definitely wasn't playing fair. Gintoki moved his head again, resting his chin right up against the man's shoulder. Now, Hasegawa could see him from the corner of his eye. He could see him without even trying to look at him.

"Gin--"

"I'm serious. Do you regret it? You're the one with a wife--"

That statement only added salt to the wound. It only made him feel worse, if that were even possible. Because Gin was right. He _did_ have a wife. A wife he loved with his whole damn heart. Yet, here he was. In bed -- well, on a couch actually -- with a man. A man who definitely wasn't her.

"Gintoki, _please_. Please just answer."

He heard a sigh and afterwards, lips were pressed right up against his ear. "No."

Hasegawa hadn't been expecting that. Really. He thought Gintoki was going to say something like, 'Yeah, of course I did. Who wouldn't regret having sex with an old loser like you?' and then laugh. But, he didn't. What he said wasn't even close to that. It was no. A serious and definite no. It honestly made him feel better. The silver haired man could tell because of how his muscles relaxed. He sighed again and sat up slightly, leaning on his elbow once more. He looked down at Hasegawa, getting a clear view of the side of his face from this position.

"Now you answer my question, Hasegawa-san."

The room was quiet. No one broke the silence for a short while. Hasegawa knew he had no choice but to answer. It was only fair, after all. For the first time all morning, he let himself think about last night. He thought about how it started. They'd just been talking in the park. Having a normal conversation on the bench, sitting side by side. Then Gintoki had said something about him having sex. He didn't remember what exactly. It was something like... 'You just need to get laid, man. That always makes men feel better when they're down on their luck'. It was something along those lines. Anyways, one thing led to another and they ended up kissing in his living room. That's how it happened.

"... No." Hasegawa spoke in a low voice, gazing up at Gin with dark eyes. "I don't."

Gintoki smiled lazily at him. The older man blinked and returned the smile with his own, his gaze softening. For a moment, Hasegawa was going to let himself be vulnerable. After a few seconds passed, he lifted his head up some. He leaned in until their lips were centimeters apart. He was going to kiss the samurai but never got the chance. Gin sat up quickly right then, putting more space between them. It made the brunet frown in what could only be disappointment.

"Ugh... I have to go to work." The boss of the yorozuya stated with a huff. He scratched at the back of his mop top head of hair then climbed over Hasegawa so he was on his feet on the floor. The elder immediately fixed his brown hues on the ceiling. Otherwise, he felt like he might accidentally stare because now Gintoki's naked body was completely exposed and easily viewable.

"God, your house is freezing. It's because you haven't paid the heating bill, isn't it?"

Hasegawa didn't reply. Gintoki didn't care. After rubbing his own, cold shoulders for a moment, he found his clothes and got dressed pretty quickly. Then, he picked his wooden sword up off the ground and turned it in his hand, looking at it before sliding it into it's usual spot at his hip. After that, he faced the other who was still laying on the couch. From the corner of his eye, Gin spotted a pair of dark sunglasses that were still on the floor from when they'd been discarded the previous evening during their late night shenanigans. He smirked to himself.

"Bye, Hasegawa-san." He said to the accessory then turned on his heel. He caught a glimpse of the man's reaction from the corner of his eye. Let's just say the former government official didn't look too happy hearing that. It made Gin laugh as he walked to the door. Before leaving the house, he looked at Hasegawa from over his shoulder, his grin cheeky and mischievous.

"See you around ~" And then, he was gone.


	2. CARDBOARD BOX LIVIN'.

**HASEGAWA WAS CURRENTLY HOMELESS.** He had no money. No job. No roof over his head. All he had was a cardboard box and the clothes on his back and some spare change. He knew he had rotten luck but he never thought it would be THIS rotten. He sighed out loudly and tried to get comfortable on the bench. Since it was nighttime and no one was using it as a seat, he figured it'd make a slightly decent bed. It was better than sleeping in the box, anyways. Which wasn't saying a lot.

His back hurt. He figured it was something that came with his growing age. The older he got, the more it ached. Sleeping on a bench only made it worse, though. It was like it was causing the whole process to accelerate. He was only in his late thirties but his back pain made him feel like he was eighty or something. He decided to roll over onto his side. It felt somewhat better but he still wasn't comfortable. Oh well. There was no use complaining about it. This is how his life was now. This is what it was like living as a washed up old Madao. He shuttered. It was a chilly night and he tried to curl up more under his makeshift blanket but that didn't do him any good.

To make matters worse, Hasegawa couldn't fall asleep. When he was asleep, at least he wouldn't have to think about his current situation or how unlucky he was. He wouldn't have to think about anything at all. Instead, he was free to dream. But, he was awake. So he was unable to stop himself from dwelling or despairing and making himself _more_ depressed than he already was. This was definitely no dream. Sighing out gently, the man's brown hues fell shut underneath his sunglasses. He tried to think of ways to fall asleep. Did counting sheep work? Well, he had nothing to lose so he figured he might as well try it out.

 _One_ , _two, three, four..._

So far, nothing was happening.

 _... ten,_ _eleven_ _, twelve.._

Actually, he was starting to feel less awake.

_... twenty-five, twenty-six..._

His body seemed to be slowly relaxing with every second that passed. His mind was beginning to get somewhat hazy, too. The counting really was working. Hasegawa was definitely starting to feel sleepier.

_.. thirty-eight.. thirty-nine... fort--_

"Yo." The sound of a very familiar voice caused him to immediately open his eyes with a jolt. He blinked and then took a loud, deep breath. Now, it was going to take him even _longer_ to get to sleep.

Gintoki was standing behind Hasegawa's bench-bed, his arms folded and resting along the back of it. He stared down at the older man, lips pressed into a thin frown. His expression was borderline emotionless. He watched as Hasegawa sat up and rubbed the side of his head, looking more dispirited than usual. He couldn't blame him, though. Being homeless and having to resort to sleeping in the park didn't help anyone's self esteem. Especially not a guy like Hasegawa, whose self esteem was already as low as it could possibly be.

"Gin-san?" The other whispered under his breath when he looked up and met the samurai's gaze. His lips then parted just slightly as if he was going to say something else but no sound came out. It wouldn't be surprising if the reason behind his silence was because he was speechless. The dark haired man hadn't seen him since the morning they woke up against each other two weeks ago, after all. They'd both just been busy. Gin had his Odd-Jobs business and Hasegawa was caught up in being kicked out of his home and everything. He swallowed thickly. "What are you doing out here?"

"Well, I just finished a job. I was going to go out drinking but then I saw you sleeping under a newspaper and now I'm just depressed and don't know what to do with myself." Gintoki shrugged before exhaling loudly. Then he stood up completely and walked around the bench. Hasegawa sat up straight and put his feet on the floor. Now the men were sitting side by side. The older was feeling some sort of déjà vu. Probably because the last time they sat side by side like this, they ended up having sex.

Gintoki yawned and kept his legs straight out in front of him, crossing his ankles and letting one arm hang over the back of the bench. Meanwhile, Hasegawa decided to pull out a cigarette and put it between his lips. He lit it and now the air smelled like the gray smoke he puffed out after taking a long drag from the thing. They were both quiet for a moment, just sitting there and relaxing. The man with the darker hair turned his head to look at his companion but, because he was wearing sunglasses at night, it wasn't that easy to see him. Even if his skin was pale and his hair was almost white.

From his peripheral vision, the boss of the yorozuya noticed that there were eyes on him. Tired, brown, hidden-behind-tinted-glass eyes. He turned his head to completely see Hasegawa who, without realizing it, was staring right at him. He was so focused on the younger man that he didn't notice the ashes hanging from the end of his cigarette, about to fall off and into his lap.

"Hasegawa-san, your cigarette." Gintoki murmured and lifted a hand, scratching at the inside of his ear with his fingernail. That got his attention and he quickly moved the cigarette so it was hovering over the ground. That way, the ashes wouldn't fall on him. He shut his eyes for a moment.

"Was there something on my face?" Gin asked, his tone light and playful. He smirked a bit, pointing to himself. The other man quickly shook his head.

"N... no. No, you're good."

"Then what were you looking at, huh?"

Hasegawa shook his head and stared forwards, licking his lower lip. It tasted of nicotine. He took another drag and tipped his head back, releasing the smoke from his mouth slowly. He watched as it flew up into the air and then disappeared. Well, it didn't disappear. All the particles just dispersed and became no longer visible to the eye. He really hadn't meant to stare at Gintoki. He just... wanted to look at him. To _see_ him. He wanted to see the man who didn't regret sleeping with some loser. The man who grinned at him from over his shoulder before leaving. That grin... it had been as bright as the sun and he couldn't stop thinking about it. He never thought he deserved to have anyone smile at him like that and yet Gintoki did. He did it so easily, too. Dammit. _It was just a smile, Hasegawa. He smiles all the time. He smiles at lots of people. You're not special or anything._ The man mentally scolded himself and put his lips together, frowning unintentionally.

Gin had no idea what was going on inside of the other's head but from the distressed expression he wore, he knew it wasn't anything good. It was probably self depreciating knowing Hasegawa. He decided to distract him by reaching out to grab the elder's free hand. He felt him jump under the unexpected touch. He held his hand loosely and lifted it up and towards his face. After staring at his fingertips for a moment, he pointed towards them with his brows lifted upwards.

"Your fingers are all yellow stained. It's from all the smoking you do, you know. Your wife's never going to want to hold your hands if they look like this." He stated bluntly. Hasegawa looked at their hands for a moment then pulled his back and put it in his lap, turning his face away. Jeez. Why'd he have to bring up Hatsu now? He jerked his cigarette out of his mouth and put it out on the wood of the bench next to him, twisting it around on the surface before he tossed it away. Now, he crossed his arms. He didn't look at Gin anymore.

The samurai blinked. Did he say something wrong? He slowly leaned over and put his chin on the older man's shoulder. He felt Hasegawa tense up. He was used to that, though. Everything Gin did always made him get all stiff. He lowered his hand and pressed it against the brown fabric of the male's pants right above his knee. Hasegawa clenched his hands into fists and his jaw tightened. He did his best not to react, though his face became a bit red, which was completely out of his control. Gin slid his hand up just a bit more, carefully touching his thigh. The Madao lifted his arm then and used his elbow to push him away.

"Why are you so close...? Back up.."

Gintoki did back up. Then, he stood up. He stretched his arms above his head before he bent one and let it rest in the front of his yukata, keeping it between the white fabric of that and his black shirt. He took a few steps forwards and then, like last time, he looked at Hasegawa from over his shoulder. But, _unlinke_ last time, he didn't grin. He also didn't say goodbye. What he did say was...

"Come on."

It made the brunet blink.

"Huh?"

"I said _come on_. Are you so old you're going deaf or something?" He paused for a beat then fixed his half lidded, maroon hues on the sky. It was dark and cloudy, the moon completely hidden from view. "The news said it was going to rain tonight. If I went home knowing you were out here in the pouring rain, I'd feel guilty. I don't need to add anything else to my guilty conscience." He stated then started walking away.

Hasegawa blinked and looked up at the sky. He lifted his sunglasses a bit to see better. Huh. It _did_ look like it was going to rain. He watched Gintoki for a moment then stood up and slipped his shoes on, quickly following after him. He slowed down when he caught up and they were side by side. He noticed that they were heading in the direction of the younger man's house.

"Why do you smoke anyways? That'll kill you, you know."

"Yeah? Maybe that's what I'm going for."

"Seriously? There are _way_ easier ways to off yourself than getting lung cancer. Not to mention, your sex life is never going to get better if you don't drop this habit. No girl wants to sleep with a man whose wheezing like their dying grandpa the whole time they're doing it."

The topic of sex made Hasegawa huff slightly and stare down at the ground.

"You're one to talk about _health_. Doesn't your diet mostly consist of sugar?"

"Hey! We're not talking about me right now. We're talking about you." Gin said and put his hand against the other's shoulder for a moment before it dropped back down to his side. Hasegawa shook his head, rolling his shoulders a bit and starting to walk a bit faster so he was ahead of Gintoki.

Eventually, they were at the samurai's home and he went in first, leaving his shoes by the door. He headed to the living room. Shinpachi and Kagura were there, watching TV. They looked up when they saw him, standing by the table in the middle of the room with his fists against his hips. Then, they saw Hasegawa who was a little bit behind him and to the left.

"Gin-san--" Shinpachi was cut off by the young girl.

"Gin! You left the door open and you let a Madao get in here!" She spoke rather excitedly with wide eyes and a frown. Hasegawa lifted a hand to awkwardly rub at the side of his neck, looking away.

Gintoki crossed his arms and held his head up high, his eyes closing. "He's staying the night here."

"He is? Why?" Kagura asked and fixed her blue hues on the homeless guy, sitting up on her knees on the couch now.

"Because I said so, that's why."

"That's not a real answer!"

The girl didn't like the response he gave, obviously. Her and Gintoki seemed to be having an intense staring contest now and neither of them looked like they were going to give in any time soon. While they were doing that, Shinpachi stood up and went to where Hasegawa was. He offered a light smile.

"Can I get you anything to drink, Hasegawa-san?"

The man shook his head then lifted a hand with his palm towards the young boy. "No, no. That's alright. I'm fine." He spoke with a light smile of his own, a chuckle parting his lips.

Gintoki huffed then lifted a fist and hit Kagura on the head, not hard enough to _actually_ hurt her, of course. Just enough to make her wince and shut her eyes for a moment. "Ow..." She pouted like a child and then sat back down on the couch, rubbing at the top of her head. While she did that, her boss grabbed Hasegawa's wrist in a loose grip and took him to his room, unaware of the tongue that was being stuck out at his back. Once he slid the door shut behind them, he went and got the spare futon from the closet, setting it out next to his on the floor. While the older of the two climbed in and got comfortable underneath the covers, Gin changed into a pair of light green pajamas then yawned. It had been a pretty long day and he was tired. So was Hasegawa. Now, anyways. He hadn't been tired before but his eyelids were starting to get heavy. The lights went off and then there they both were, laying down and facing each other in the dark.

"Night... Hasegawa-san." Gintoki whispered, soon shutting his eyes. They wouldn't open for the rest of the night.

"Goodnight." Was the reply given. Though, it was given to no one because the man with the silver hair was already snoring. It made Hasegawa smile to himself.

And that was that. No more cardboard box. For the time being, at least.


	3. SO, THIS IS WHY HE'S BEEN SMILING.

**HASEGAWA HAS BEEN AT** **GINTOKI'S PLACE FOR ONE WEEK.** Getting used to him was hard at first. Just like getting used to Kagura had been when she first moved in. Or even Sadaharu. Sharing the bathroom with another person was pretty difficult for the two who'd already been living there. Not to mention, the brunet had the tendency to eat a lot. Not as much as Kagura, of course, but more than Gintoki. They were running out of food twice as fast, it seemed. Shinpachi was probably the most ticked off. He had to do _more_ washing and cleaning than he was already doing. Thankfully, Hasegawa only had that one outfit and a borrowed pair of pajamas. And don't even get the four-eyes started on all the drinking both men went out and did together. Anyways, it had started off a bit bumpy with a few arguments here and there. Yet, in the end, everything seemed to work out.

For Hasegawa, it was actually sort of... nice. It was nice not being alone or living out in the park and sleeping on a bench. It was nice having a futon and a shower and company. Especially _G_ _intoki's_ company. The man who let him stay here. The man whose face he saw every morning when he opened his eyes. The man who smiled in his direction when no one was paying them any attention. That man.

It was a little after nine A.M. and when the Madao woke up, there he was. The samurai with the wavy, silver hair. He was on his back and still fast asleep, all splayed out and snoring. The futon covers were a mess and tangled up around his body. Hasegawa watched for a few moments and then he gave a chuckle under his breath. He found the scene before him amusing. Almost cute. A minute passed and then, unable to help himself, the elder moved a little closer to Gin. He gently leaned his head on his shoulder and then shut his eyes. Being so close to Gintoki... it just made him feel so _warm_. Both inside and out. It warmed everything from his head to his toes to his skin right down to the marrow in his bones. After a moment, he moved. This time, he put his ear against the youth's chest and listened to the sound of his heart beat. It was so rhythmic and calming. The other night, he had had a hard time getting to bed so he did this and it lulled him to sleep.

Hasegawa then sat up and yawned, arms stretching up in the air. He got out of the futon and changed into that tacky, brown suit he always wore before he slid the door open and left the room. His stomach gave a growl. It was time for breakfast.

Gintoki got up about half an hour later. They didn't have work today so he let himself sleep in. He came out of the room, dressed and yawning and scratching at the back of his perm head.

"Good morning, Gin-san." Shinpachi greeted with a light smile when he saw him and adjusted his glasses. Normally, Gin would just give an off handed wave or reply and not really pay the kid any attention. For a few days now, though, he'd been stopping and looking at the boy completely. He'd been giving him his full attention, which was really strange and unusual.

"Morning, Shinpachi." The man smiled a bit before making his way into the kitchen. He approached the fridge and opened it, spotting the familiar pink carton of his strawberry milk. Grabbing a hold on it, he went to pour it in his cup. Except... there was hardly any in there. Not even one third of the glass! He shook it up and down slightly and then put his eye to the opening. Sure enough, it was empty.

"Hey! Who drank my milk? I just _bought_ it not even two days ago! What do you people not get about it being MINE? Huh!? Do I need to start writing my name on the carton or will that go over your head's, too!?" The samurai complained loudly, making his way into the living room. He already knew it wasn't Shinpachi or the dog. That only left two culprits. Kagura was on the couch, eating some rice. She was sitting next to Hasegawa. Hasegawa who was holding a glass of pink milk in his hand. So it was _him_? Stupid, useless, old Madao...

Gin went and stood in front of him with his arms crossed, lips pressed into a frown. He was tapping one of his feet in a very irritated and impatient way, dark hues glaring. The man had never felt so betrayed in all his life. He let this loser come into _his_ house and sleep on _his_ floor and use _his_ shower and this is how he repaid him? The older looked up at Gintoki and then put a hand to the back of his head, giving a sheepish laugh.

"Hey, Gin-san... "

"Don't 'Hey, Gin-san' me! Not after what you did." Lifting a hand, he hit Hasegawa upside the head and then huffed, eyes rolling at the old guy's wince. After a few seconds of silence, the yorozuya boss disappeared into the kitchen again. He returned with some money and a slip of paper.

"Kagura, Shinpachi!" They were in front of him in no time.

He put the money and paper in Shinpachi's hands. He was the more responsible one, after all.

"Go to the store and buy the groceries on that list."

"Uh... Gin-san? All that's on this list is strawberry milk." Kagura leaned over to look at the list, too.

"I know! It's the most important thing we need and money is getting a bit low."

"But, Gi--"

"If there's any change, you two can buy whatever you want."

That seemed to shut the kids up. With light smiles, they excitedly went to get their shoes on and didn't even say goodbye as they left the house. Gin sighed out loudly and walked back to the couch, plopping down right beside Hasegawa. He didn't say anything to the brunet, just sitting there all slouched and a little pouty. Like a kid. He didn't look at him, either. He simply stared straight ahead at the other couch that was across from him. The elder turned and fixed his eyes on the young man, feeling pretty bad now. He hoped to God he didn't upset him _too_ much. After about a minute of silence, he cleared his throat and then offered his half empty glass to Gintoki.

"Here. You can have it. I'm not too found of flavored milk in the first place."

Gin glanced at the cup from the corner of his eye then looked forwards again. "I don't want it."

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. I only drank a little of it. You can have the rest."

Hasegawa smiled then and held the glass closer to the samurai in hopes that he'd take the strawberry milk from him. Gin huffed but eventually took the glass out of his hand. It was still pretty cold. Instead of drinking it, though, he just set the milk down on the coffee table. He set it down a bit too hard and that caused some of the light pink liquid to splash out and onto the table's surface. A few seconds passed and then he turned in his seat and put one arm along the back of the couch behind his companion's head. He pressed a palm against one of his knees as well. Surprisingly, the Madao didn't stiffen up. Not as much as the last time, anyways. Without thinking, Gintoki leaned in until their lips were touching. He kissed him, eyes falling shut. It only lasted for a moment before he pulled back, his tongue sliding along his lower lip.

"You taste like strawberry milk..."

Hasegawa was a _bit_ caught off guard. It had been so sudden that he hadn't had any time to properly react, or even return the action. He exhaled shakily, one hand lifting now to adjust his sunglasses. "Is... that so?" He mumbled but never got a reply.

Gintoki stood up only to face his older counterpart. Then, he put his knees on the couch so they were on either side of Hasegawa. That way, he could sit right on his lap. His hands gripped his shoulders and before he knew it, they were kissing again. This kiss was more forceful than the last but gentle all the same. The brunet was able to kiss back this time and he slid one hand up and into his hair, gripping the silvery-blue waves in a loose fist. He tilted his head and that deepened the kiss. Warmth blossomed in his chest. It spread through his whole body, his insides seeming to melt from the heat of it. Despite that, though, he shuddered. Gin's hand was slowly sliding up and down his bare chest, his caresses light and teasing. Without any prior warning, he slowly rolled his hips down against Hasegawa's lap and that caused his lips to part in surprise. The split second of friction caused him to silently gasp a bit. Before he knew it, there was a tongue in his mouth and his free hand held onto his partner's waist, fingers curling around his hip.

They were making out now. And to be blunt, their kissing was open mouthed and sloppy and gross. But, it felt nice so they didn't really care. Gintoki's hands were still roaming, touching wherever they pleased. At one point, he brushed his thumb against one of Hasegawa's nipples and the reaction he got caused him to laugh a bit as he pulled away and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He decided to take the elder's glasses off, then, tossing them onto the coffee table behind himself. Still breathless from the kiss, he smiled and slipped his hand down the front of Hasegawa's pants.

"How quick can you be?"

That made the brunet blink, panting quietly and trying to catch his breath again. "Huh...?"

"Oh, come on... I know what you want. I'll let you have it. If you're quick."

Gin smirked in a manner all too playful, feeling the man through the fabric of his striped boxers. Being touched there made Hasegawa tense up, his hands moving away from the younger male. He gripped at the edge of the couch on either side of himself, lips parted and dark brows furrowed. "I... I don't know what you're talking about, Gin-saaah!" When he tried to say he didn't know what the samurai was saying, the man added more pressure to his crotch, his palm pressing down against his dick rather hard. He shifted underneath him and he spread his knees further apart.

"Come on. Don't lie to me! Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't notice you always staring at me?" Their mouths were inches apart now. When Gintoki talked, his breath tickled Hasegawa's lips. It made him swallow thickly. He was right, though. He had the tendency to stare. But... he couldn't help it! Gin was like a very big magnet and he was the metal that was drawn to the magnet. It was a strong attraction and he didn't have the words to explain it. All he knew, was that he wanted to _look_ at Gin, and be _near_ Gin, all the time.

All the time...

"Do you think about it, Hasegawa-san?"

"Think about what...?"

"That night." Gintoki's voice dropped down an octave and he let his lips brush up against the elder's, his hand starting to slid up and down along his clothed dick. Hasegawa shut his eyes and then put his forehead on the younger man's shoulder, an arm going around him. He hugged the other to himself tightly, his brown eyes shutting. Did he? Think about the sex they had? Of course he did. It was impossible not to. He replayed the scenes in his head all the time. Remembering the perfect curve of Gintoki's back when he arched it and how his eyes rolled back in his head whenever he went deeper inside of him, trying to hit _that_ spot. The way his nails scratched at the skin and the way his name left his lips in that broken, breathless moan. Remembering it all now made him shift uncomfortably. Gin felt him start to harden under his touch.

A few seconds passed and then the young man stood. He slipped his arm out of the single white sleeve he wore then undid his pants. Now, he laid down next to Hasegawa and put his hands behind his head, keeping his legs as spread as he could, which meant one foot was still on the ground. "Go on. Have at it. Just be fast." Hasegawa swallowed. How could he be so nonchalant about this? Slowly, he turned himself and got in between his legs, pressing one hand into the couch cushion right by his partner's head. He met his wine red hues for a moment, teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

"Oh... come on, Hasegawa-san. There's no need to be so nervous." Gintoki gave a chuckle and grabbed one of the man's wrists, forcing his hand down his pants and boxers. Hasegawa's muscles tightened up for a moment but then he relaxed. Were they really going to have sex again? Because now he had the sudden desire to... do this with him. He wanted it. He wanted to be as close to Gintoki as possible. What was closer than this?

The brunet was momentarily lost in thought so, to get him back on track, Gin lifted his hips a bit. He started to rub himself up and against the other man's palm. And, God, he was so sensitive down there that he couldn't help but release a low, blissful noise. Hasegawa watched as the young man pleasured himself against _his_ hand, his face flushed.

"Hasegawa-san ~" Gintoki whispered and then made another very dirty and very inappropriate noise, feeling the elder start to touch him on his own now.

Suddenly, the sound of two young voices could be heard from outside, getting louder the closer the kids got to the front door.

"Ah... dammit. I underestimated how fast they could be." Gintoki mumbled quickly and his fingers wrapped around Hasegawa's wrist, pulling his hand away. He nudged the elder off and then got up to his feet, pulling up the zipper on his pants. He fixed his yukata, too, putting his arm back in the sleeve and making sure the fabric was hiding his crotch. Meanwhile, Hasegawa sat upright on the couch and cleared his throat as he straightened his own clothes slightly, crossing his legs afterwards. He grabbed his sunglasses from the table only to realize they'd been sitting in a small puddle of strawberry milk the whole time. The pink stuff dripped off the dark frame and he sighed before putting them back on.

Gin put his hands on his hips and then glanced back towards his sitting companion. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment and then the boss of the yorozuya started to laugh out loud. A few seconds passed and then Hasegawa was laughing, too. He had no idea _why_. What was so funny? The reason why didn't matter, though. It was just a minor detail. Besides, laughing never caused anyone any harm before. It was good to laugh every now and then. When Shinpachi and Kagura finally entered the house, the boy holding the shopping bag containing what they'd been sent out for, they both stopped. They were confused. Why where these two losers laughing?

LATER THAT NIGHT... Gintoki had been feeling generous so he splurged and used some of their remaining money to buy dinner for them all. They got some BBQ to-go and everyone seemed to enjoy it. It was better than whatever they had laying around the house, after all. After dinner, he even helped Shinpachi clean up in the kitchen. That's what they were doing now. Making sure the dishes were washed and then put away. Shinpachi found it really strange that he was helping. He _never_ helped! Not to mention, there was a light smile on his lips. Sure, his eyes were as dead as always but his overall expression was, well, something that could only be described as _happy_.

Now that Shinpachi thought about it, he'd been acting like this pretty much all week. He didn't know what it was but Gin seemed to be in a better mood all the time. He didn't complain as much. Or shout. Not to mention, he actually tried to pay the rent on time and he easily took every job they were given this week. Without any arguing. Even when they were _super_ desperate for work and money, he NEVER accepted anything _this_ easily. To make it worse, he forgot to buy a JUMP this week. And he only made fun of his glasses _once_. It was a bit worrying. He knew that he hadn't been struck with the sudden desire to be a responsible adult. So, why was Gin-san acting so differently? Was he sick? Did the writers make a mistake with the script? It was impossible to tell. And of course, no one seemed to notice but him. Kagura had the naivety of a little girl so of course she couldn't tell. Shinpachi sighed.

He saw Gin from the corner of his eye. The man popped his back with a soft hum and then walked out to the living room. Kagura and Hasegawa were in there, just like earlier that morning. The girl was watching the television again, chewing on some pickled seaweed. The man was sitting on the couch opposite of her and he had his arms crossed, gaze fixed on the screen. He wasn't paying attention to what was on, though. He was too aware of the sudden presence behind to think about anything else. It was Gintoki. He knew that much. Gin stepped closer and leaned his elbows on the back of the couch right by the Madao's head. Without looking, he felt the samurai's eyes on him. It made the elder swallow. And, without thinking, he lifted a hand and grabbed at the white fabric of Gintoki's yukata. He pulled him close while simultaneously turning his head and in seconds, their lips were colliding, like a car crash.

Gintoki slowly started to kiss him back, though he didn't put much effort into it. Not because he didn't care, but because he was lazy. Besides, Hasegawa initiated the kiss so he'd let him be in charge. He stayed leaned over the back of the couch. The kiss was tender and fluid and it made the younger man's stomach feel all fluttery. Like he'd swallowed butterflies. And his heart. It was beating quicker than usual. Was it because of all the sugar he ate? Was his blood pressure too high or something? He had no idea... but it was thumping like crazy in his chest. Hasegawa's lips were softer than they looked and when they were touching his, it always made his knees get weak. His legs felt like jelly. That's why he was using the couch for support. The kiss wasn't very long but damn it really had felt nice. When the older man pulled back, their noses bumped together just a bit and they held each other's gaze. Gintoki's face was hot. It was flushed and as pink as his strawberry milk. A shy smile broke out on his face, one his companion easily returned. He then slowly pressed a kiss of his own to Hasegawa's forehead.

Shinpachi had seen all... _that_ (Kagura was still watching TV, blissfully unaware). The whole exchange between Gintoki and Hasegawa. He had stepped out of the kitchen just a few seconds after his boss only to see the two men caught up in a kiss. At first, he had looked pretty bewildered, confused, and perhaps even momentarily disgusted. Could you blame him? The whole scene caught him by surprise. But then... he noticed how they were smiling at each other. They were totally lost in the moment and all they were focused on was the man in front of them. When he saw that, everything made so much more sense.

Shinpachi smiled to himself.

The reason Gintoki was acting so differently lately?

It was _him_.

That lame, old, homeless Madao was the reason he seemed so happy lately. Hasegawa was _making_ him happy.


	4. NO ONE LIKES PISSING ALONE.

**"GIN-SAN, HASEGAWA-SAN..."** Shinpachi's voice rang out as he made his way to their room, sliding the door open. He stuck his head in and his brows lifted upwards just slightly. Then he gave a small smile. They were sleeping side by side, Hasegawa half on Gintoki's futon and half on his own. Neither of them were actually under the covers. They were just laying on top, snoring at the same time, with their heads almost touching. He rolled his eyes after watching for a few moments and then stepped in, crossing his arms.

"Gin-san! It's time to wake up. We have a job today."

Gintoki groaned loudly at that and then turned on his side, curling up a bit. His arms moved from where they'd been (one had been under Hasegawa) and he hugged himself loosely, lips pressed into a very sad and pathetic pout. "Five more minutes..." He whispered and then gave a loud yawn, smacking his lips together afterwards.

"Come on... please, Gin? Big sis needs our help today." That made Gintoki groan out even louder than before. There was no way he could say no to that. If he did, she was sure to kill him all with that smile on her face. Violent woman... The man sat up slowly and scratched at the side of his head, waving his other hand at Shinpachi dismissively.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be up in a second." The man watched as the young boy left, his hands resting in his lap.

After a few moments, he turned his head to see Hasegawa who was still fast asleep. He watched for a moment then lifted a foot, putting it against the man's side. He pushed him off his futon and that seemed to wake him up with a start. "Huh? What is it?" He said quickly after sitting up and looked at Gin with a dumb, confused look on his tan face. The younger man smirked at him and then a few, quiet laughs fell from his mouth as he got onto his feet.

"You were drooling."

Hasegawa leaned back on one hand, using the other to quickly wipe at his mouth with his wrist. Oh crap. He _had_ been drooling. He got to his feet as well after a moment, brushing off his pants a bit. He looked over at Gintoki, who still appeared to be amused by the saliva that had been on his face. He hummed as he turned his back on the older of the two, starting to take his pajamas off. When Hasegawa saw him changing, he turned his back to Gin and started to do the same. When they were both dressed, they went out to the living room. Gintoki crossed his arms.

"Alright, Shinpachi. What's this job?" The man asked, not looking too terribly excited. To be honest, well, the boy didn't look too excited either.

"Well..." He started, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "They're.. running short on _hostesses_ again."

Gintoki immediately knew what he was talking about. "Huh!? _Again_? You've got to be kidding me! How hard is it to find pretty women in Edo? What do they need _me_ for?"

What did they need him for? Well... the fact that he was now wearing a pink kimono and clip on ponytails and makeup should be answer enough to that. Gintoki looked at himself in the mirror and huffed, red lips pressed into a deep frown. After shaking his head, he crossed his arms and turned to face his underlings. They were both dressed up as well. A loud exhale left him. He wasn't happy about doing this job at all. But, it was clear he had no choice in the matter.

A few seconds passed and then he glanced in Hasegawa's direction. Hasegawa was just standing there, scratching at the back of his head. It was hard to see the sort of expression he had on because his eyes were hidden behind those sunglasses and his head was tilted down towards the ground.

"Hey, Hasegawa-san, are you interested in being a _hostess_?" Gintoki muttered, stepping closer to the older man.

"Huh!? No... no, I think I'll pass."

"Oh, come on ~" Gin hummed and put his hands on his own hips, leaning in until their faces were a little _too_ close. A smirk curled at his lips and he bat his mascara covered lashes. "You'd make a cute hostess, don't you think? Besides, you could use the money..."

"R-Really! I'm good!" Hasegawa stuttered a bit and took a step backwards, though the younger man immediately lifted his hands and grabbed the front of the Madao's clothing, pulling him back towards himself until their chests were touching. Gin was going to say something else but was interrupted by Shinpachi clearing his throat rather loudly. Gintoki looked over and snickered a bit before letting go of the man.

"We should go, then, huh? Come on, Hasegawa."

The four of them left the house to head to Otae's workplace. It was still pretty early when they arrived so they hung out for a while, not doing much. Then, it got later in the day so they actually had to start working. Shinpachi, Kagura, Otae, Hasegawa and Gintoki were all sitting around at a table, waiting for customers to show up. Gin was next to Hasegawa, sitting so close their shoulders were touching. Their knees, too. Soon, someone else showed up. Someone who was _very_ familiar.

"Katsura-san?" Shinpachi spoke up, brows furrowing when he saw the Joui leader.

"It's not Katsura, it's Zurako." The young man said lowly before he sat on Gintoki's other side, his hands resting in his lap.

"Did big sis invite you here as well?"

"No. I just need the money and I heard--"

"Oh, shut up. That's a lie." Interrupted Gintoki, putting a hand to his mouth and yawning loudly. "You need the money my ass. You just like to crossdress. You do it every opportunity you get."

"That isn't true. I _do_ need the money."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say." The silver haired man mumbled and waved a hand dismissively before he lifted his arm, casually draping it around Hasegawa's shoulders. Hasegawa glanced at him from the corner of his eye, smiling a bit to himself from the touch. It was nice. Being so close to him. He wanted to lean into his arm but didn't, instead choosing to just stay still and stare down at his lap.

A few moments passed before Gin stood up and stretched. "I need to take a piss..." He mumbled then fixed his wine red hues on the brunet.

"Come on, Hasegawa-san."

"W... What? What do you need me for?"

"Well, look at me! I'm a cute girl, I can't go to the bathroom by myself. There's no telling what might happen to me in there." He stated and then put his hands on his hips.

"I'm pretty sure you can handle yourself..."

"Jeez... you're literally the worst gentleman I've ever met. No wonder your marriage went downhill.."

That made Hasegawa frown lightly to himself, the look in his eyes saddening though no one could see it. Sunglasses were perfect for hiding one's windows to the soul. A few seconds passed and then he stood up as well. "Fine, fine.. I'm coming." He sighed out loudly and looked to Gin's face, only to catch him smiling lightly. Was he... _pleased_ that the older man had agreed to coming with him? He was just going to use the bathroom, he didn't see why going with him was such a big deal.

"Great."

Once Gintoki entered the men's restroom, he went up to one of the urinals and started to lift up the pink kimono he was wearing. To avoid watching the other relive himself, the Madao leaned back against a wall and pulled out a cigarette, deciding to take this chance to smoke. He heard him pissing but kept his brown eyes on the ceiling the whole time, watching the smoke every time he breathed it out.

"Isn't it weird that we came in here together?"

"Huh?"

"You know..." Hasegawa swallowed, his face becoming a bit red. "People might think we're.. _doing stuff_ in here."

"You mean, like, sex?"

"Y.. Yeah."

Gintoki had finished doing his business and he pulled the kimono back down, walking over to where Hasegawa was. He rose his eyebrows and then crossed his arms.

"I think _you're_ the only one thinking about that sort of thing, you old pervert." Then he leaned in real close like he'd done earlier and started reaching for the elder, his eyes shimmering mischievously. "Are you into that sort of thing, Hasegawa-san? Dirty bathroom sex?"

Hasegawa choked on his cigarette. He was quick to grab the younger man's wrists before he was able to touch him, leaning his head back against the wall. That way there was a little more space between them. It was clear this topic of conversation was embarrassing for the former government official, his lips parted and his eyes widened behind his shades.

"H-Hey! Wash your hands, will ya?" That made the samurai laugh and he pulled away, going to the sink. As he did that, Hasegawa took his cigarette out of his mouth and put it out on the wall next to him, shoving it in his pocket afterwards. Gin came back immediately after cleaning himself up.

The second he got close enough, he squeezed his arms between the wall and the man so they could wrap around his neck. A clumsy, purposefully messy kiss was placed right at the corner of Hasegawa's lips. Then his own, red lips moved all along his jaw, leaving wet kisses everywhere they touched. Hasegawa just stood there, frozen with his hands hovering right by Gintoki's waist. Every time they did something like this, he was always so scared to touch him. He thought that, if he _did_ touch Gin, then it would bring the young samurai back to reality and he would remember that he was fooling around with nothing but a washed up old man and stop. The last thing he wanted was for him to stop. So, he couldn't help but hesitate.

The light haired man seemed to notice the struggle because he pulled his arms away in order to take Hasegawa's wrists. He forced the man's hands to rest against his hips, leaning his head down some to kiss at his neck now. "You don't have to be so nervous..." He mumbled against his skin, kissing all over, everywhere his mouth could reach. The older man let himself relax some and he held onto his waist a bit tighter, his eyes slipping closed. Was he allowed to enjoy such a feeling? Shut up. Stop thinking like that. If Gin didn't want to be doing this, he wouldn't be doing this. He would've stopped already.

Hasegawa decided to pull him closer to himself, his arms now hugging his waist. He slowly tilted his head so the young man had more room, letting him do what he wanted. He felt teeth tugging at the skin of his collar ever so slightly and it made his body shutter. Gintoki noticed the affect that had on him so he kept doing it, nibbling just a bit before every kiss he left. He didn't bite too hard, not wanting to leave marks on him or anything. They were still in public, after all.

The samurai pulled back for a moment to take a deep breath. After sending Hasegawa a faint smile, he started to trail his lips all the way down his partner's chest, getting lower and lower until he was down on his knees in front of him on the restroom floor. He gazed up at the brunet for a moment as his arms encircled themselves around his waist. He pressed his mouth right up against Hasegawa's crotch, starting to kiss all over that area. He kissed until the brown fabric felt damp underneath his lips. Until he heard the man standing above him cussing lowly under his breath, trying _not_ to groan as he hardened under the touch. It made Gintoki smirk to himself, his fingers moving to slip down between the waistbands of both his pants and boxers and his bare skin.

"W-Wait, Gin-san..." The man stumbled over his words, tensing up when he felt him pull his pants and such down, leaving him completely exposed.

"Huh...? Do you want me to stop?"

Hasegawa was a bit caught off guard by the sudden question. It made him stop and think for a moment, taking the time to swallow. _Did_ he want him to stop? Honestly, no. Absolutely not. He then, very tentatively, put his hands on the other's shoulders and pressed his lips together firmly. He said nothing. He simply shook his head. Gintoki nodded and let go of his pants, letting them fall to his ankles. With his now empty hands, he pressed his palms to Hasegawa's thighs and leaned in until...

The initial feeling made Hasegawa gasp under his breath and he put a hand over his mouth. He didn't want to be loud. What if someone outside the restroom heard? Wait... now that he thought about it, what if someone came _into_ the bathroom while they were..? He didn't have much time to think about that. His thoughts were getting all muddled. The way Gin's mouth moved... it was causing his vision to go blurry and his head tipped back further, pressing against the hard wall behind him. It was getting harder and harder to keep himself quiet. The pleasure was starting to overwhelm him. All of his senses were blinded by it. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't stop himself from groaning out lowly. _Gintoki_. That was the only clear thought on his mind. _Gintoki_. _Gintoki_. _Gintoki_. He had to moan it. Over and over again. Like it was the only word he knew. Like it was the last thing he'd ever say. Hasegawa moved his hands to the man's hair and grabbed at the strands of silver. Without thinking, he tugged a bit.

"Ow... hey, that hurts, you know..." He heard the other mumble out suddenly and he immediately pulled his hands back.

"S-Sorry... _ouch_! Watch your teeth, then.. that hurts, too..."

He heard soft laugher and he looked down, pouting a bit. The young male could be such a childish brat when he wanted to be. Hasegawa didn't get to say anything else because Gin was already back to work, doing everything in his power to make the older man feel good. He wanted him to enjoy himself. Hasegawa was doing his best to stay absolutely still, his hands pressed flat against the wall behind himself. He had the constant desire to move his hips forwards and towards the man but.. he didn't want to choke him so he forced himself to keep his nether region from moving. The thumbs tracing the insides of his thighs was such a gentle and subtle feeling and yet, it made his knees _so_ weak. It was getting harder to stand straight and he tried to grip at the wall with his fingernails.

The brunet's stomach felt like it was all knotted up now. His breaths were heavy and broken and Gintoki's name was still tumbling from his lips though his volume had lowered to a quivering whisper. The more the young man's mouth moved, the harder it was for him to... to.. _fuck, dammit_... It felt so good. No. He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't hold it back anymore. It was impossible. "G- ** _Gintoki_**..." And, with that, he came completely undone, his back arching away from the wall as his eyes rolled back in his head. He felt so high. Like he was up in the clouds.

Gintoki pulled back and he went to the sink, spitting out all the white stuff in his mouth with a low _bleh_. "How can anyone swallow that? It's so gross..." The young man mumbled to himself and then turned the faucet on to rinse out the sink as well as his mouth. He cupped his hands, filled them with water, and seconds later he was gurgling it. Then he spit that out, too. After he turned the faucet off, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve then looked in the mirror to make sure none got on his face. His makeup was messed up, red lipstick smeared all over. Gintoki didn't seem to care. He looked over at Hasegawa who was fixing his pants, looking rather flustered.

He went over and clasped his hands together, putting them by his face and leaning his cheek against them. "Do I make a pretty woman, Hasegawa-san?"

"Uh..." The man cleared his throat and then adjusted his sunglasses. "Yeah, sure.."

"As pretty as Hatsu?"

That made the older man go a bit rigid and he crossed his arms before turning his head away. Why did Gintoki always have to bring her up? God. It always made him feel so awful. It made him think about his wife and thinking about his wife made him feel so guilty that his stomach hurt. He felt sick. Why did he have to talk about her? Hasegawa turned his back to the other man.

"I'm sorry." Gintoki said seriously when he realized he shouldn't have said that. He reached out and took Hasegawa's hand, pressing his chest right up against his back. "It was just a joke.."

The older of the two exhaled and then shook his head, giving Gin's hand a squeeze. A moment of silence passed before he turned back around to look at him, offering a faint smile. It was almost impossible to stay upset with him. "It's okay." That made the yorozuya boss smile and he leaned in to kiss Hasegawa only to be stopped by a hand.

"Don't kiss me! I know where your mouth's been!"

"I rinsed it out! And the only place it's been, is _you_. You can't be grossed out by yourself, Hasegawa." Gintoki then moved his hand to quickly peck his lips.

After that, he chuckled and used his pink sleeve to wipe at the man's face and neck. "You have lipstick all over you."

"Do I?" The brunet glanced down at himself. There were faint red marks all down his chest. It made him laugh a bit as well. Soon enough, he was all cleaned up.

"There we go." Gintoki took him by the arm after he spoke and headed for the restroom door. "You have to leave first. I'll follow behind you after a minute or whatever. It'll look weirder if we leave at the same time." The younger man then opened the door and pushed him out, making Hasegawa stumble a bit. "If anyone asks, say you went outside to smoke and I was taking a shit." Then he shut the bathroom door with a yawn.

Gintoki came back five minutes later. There were some men around the table now, drinking and talking with the hostesses. Well, _Otea_. Kagura and Shinpachi and "Zurako" didn't really count. Hasegawa was sitting on the edge and there seemed to be enough alcohol going around because he had helped himself to some. Gin climbed over him to sit by Katsura again. He, along with some of the others at the table, seemed to have noticed his messed up looking face. Lipstick was smeared all over his mouth and cheeks.

"Gintoki..."

"Huh?"

"Your lipstick... it's a mess."

"Yeah? So what? Did you expect me to have perfect makeup after taking a crap?"

"But it looks so unprofessional. You should fix i--"

Before Katsura could finish, Gintoki lifted an arm and elbowed him in the mouth. "Oops.. your lipstick's a mess, Zura. You might want to fix it."

Katsura flinched in pain, putting a hand to his mouth and swallowing down some blood. "It's... Zurako.." He then mumbled.

With a snort, Gin rolled his eyes and then helped himself to some sake as well. He caught Hasegawa looking at him from the corner of his eye and sent him a playful wink. They didn't leave until it was pretty late at night. Shinpachi and Otae said their goodbyes before heading off together. On the walk back to Gintoki's place, Kagura ended up complaining about walking and being tired and halfway through the trip, Gin gave in and gave her a piggyback. When they got home, everyone got ready for bed pretty quickly. Gintoki yawned loudly and instead of getting under the covers of his own futon, he decided to sleep right up against Hasegawa, his head on his chest and a smile on his lips. Hasegawa, like usual, was the last one asleep and he stared at the ceiling and grinned until his face hurt and he couldn't keep his eyes open. He really was happy.


	5. I DON'T SEE A DEMON WHEN I LOOK AT HIM.

**ONE** **EVENING, A COUPLE NIGHTS LATER, GINTOKI AND KAGURA GOT BACK WHEN IT WAS PRETTY LATE AGAIN.** The young girl was tired so she immediately went to get ready for bed. When the man entered the living room, scratching the back of his head with a yawn, he saw a slip of paper on the table. He picked it up. It was a message from Hasegawa. All it said was, 'Went out for a bit. Be back later.' Gin had no idea what time the note had been written so he went to check his room. It was empty. That meant the man was still out. After a moment, he set the paper back down on the coffee table.

"I'm going out!" He called as he slipped his boots back on. He didn't wait for an answer. He just left.

Where was Hasegawa? Gintoki had no idea. He tried to think of all the places the Madao liked. The first thing that came to mind was a bar. So, he checked a few that were close by and he wasn't in any of them. What about the casino? He wasn't there, either. He walked down a couple of streets and there was no sign of the man. Now, Gin wasn't _worried_ about him or anything. He just wanted to know where he was. He wanted to see what he was up to. And he just, honestly, wanted to be around him. The yorozuya had been pretty busy all day. From sunrise past sunset. They'd hardly spoken to one another and he'd... kind of _missed_ him. Of course, he'd probably never admit that out loud but it was true.

Wait!

He knew where he was. Well, he had a good guess. A few minutes later, his guess was proved to have been correct. Hasegawa was in the park. There was a spot of grass not too far and he was laying in it, his arms out at his sides like a 'T' and his gaze fixed on the sky. His sunglasses had been taken off and were laying next to him. Gintoki slowly approached. He stood above the man and a few seconds passed before their eyes locked. "Gin-san?" Hasegawa mumbled and lifted his brows slightly. "What are you doing out here?" He asked him lowly and blinked.

"Looking for you, dumbass. Why else would I be out here?"

"Really...? But.. _why_? I left a note, didn't I?" Hasegawa asked lowly as Gin walked over to the older man's side. He stood there for a moment and then started to sit down next to him. Once he was seated, he laid back until the back of his neck was resting against the other's arm. He crossed his own arms over his chest and straightened his legs out in front of himself.

"Yeah... so? I came to find you to make sure you haven't offed yourself or anything."

Gintoki chuckled under his breath and turned his head, his half lidded gaze now on the Madao beside him. Hasegawa turned to look at him as well. For a moment, they didn't say anything. They just looked at each other. Lost in each others' eyes. The older shook his head slowly and then leaned in so his lips were pressed right up against Gin's ear.

"I haven't thought about that at all lately..."

"Mm.. you haven't? That's good. It'd hate to lose you to a piece of rope." Gintoki said seriously though he let out another soft chuckle and shut his eyes. Hasegawa felt his pulse quicken some. His face became a bit warm, too. Did Gin really mean that? That he didn't want to lose him? That he didn't want him dead? Of course, he already knew that Gintoki didn't want to lose him. When he helped out with that court case... there was one point where he told him that he'd bring a rope. Not for Hasegawa to hang himself, but to help pull him back up from Hell. The man remembered that vividly. He already knew that Gintoki didn't want him dead. Yet, hearing him say this, it just made his whole heart seem to _burst_. It made him feel something indescribable. He smiled lightly and then stared up at the sky once more.

"Gintoki..."

"Hm?"

"Nothing.. I just felt like saying your name."

Gin turned on his side, facing the man with the dark hair. His head was still against his arm and Hasegawa knew that it would start going numb soon if the samurai didn't move but.. he didn't care. Not at all. He enjoyed the affection. Welcomed it with open arms and an open heart. The younger man moved closer to him and placed a hand against his chest. His touch was always gentle, despite the roughness of his hands. He felt the tip of the other man's nose as it brushed up against the side of his jaw. Gintoki shut his eyes, putting one of his legs over Hasegawa's.

"Why did you come out here?" He mumbled lowly. He sounded tired. It made the brunet feel bad that Gin came all the way out here to find him, instead of going to sleep like he should've.

"It was a clear night and I just... wanted to look at the sky." That's where he was gazing now. Up at the stars and the moon. The city lights made them a bit hard to see but the view was still enjoyable. Gintoki turned his face up, looking at the moon shinning down on them. Everything was so calm and quiet and peaceful. If he stayed still long enough, he knew he'd definitely fall asleep.

"You came all the way out here just to stargaze?"

"Mhm..."

Gin felt the other man slowly lift up the arm he was laying on and then it was wrapped around him. Hasegawa was holding him up against his side, his thumb pressing against the back of the younger male's shoulder. Gintoki smiled for a second. He smiled until the Madao spoke again.

"Gin-san... I.. can I ask why?"

"Huh?"

"I just... I know you might not answer since the last time I asked you _why_ , you just avoided the question, but--"

"Get to the point, Hasegawa. What do you want to ask me?"

The old loser took a deep breath, narrowing his brown hues. He didn't look away from the silver crescent that was up in the dark, vast, velvety horizon. "Why? Why are you wasting all your time hanging around with _me_? There's no way you-- ow!"

The man got cut off because Gintoki dug his nails into his chest and dragged downwards, scratching at his skin rather harshly. The younger of the two shut his eyes after that, lips frowning gently. "You stupid Madao.." He mumbled under his breath and then he moved away from Hasegawa. He laid on his back in the grass as well, hands going behind his head. Gin bent one knee upwards, his eyes half shut.

"G-Gin-san..." Hasegawa was quick to sit up and look over at him, his expression both shocked and saddened. He'd really done it now, huh? He really couldn't do anything right. Truthfully, he didn't _really_ know what he'd done wrong, but Gin was upset and it was, without a doubt, all _his_ fault. His chest hurt now, and it wasn't because of the scratches. It was because of the sudden guilt that was now weighing him down. He reached a hand out to touch Gin, but stopped. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

What? What did he mean by that? He didn't understand and so he didn't reply. You could say he was momentarily speechless.

"The only person you should be apologizing to, is yourself..."

"What...?"

"Hasegawa, you're _so_ mean to yourself. You're so mean to yourself for no reason at all." Gintoki rolled over onto his side so his back was to the man. He closed his maroon hues completely. "Your negativity is depressing.."

"I.." What was Hasegawa supposed to say? That was the absolute, harsh truth and no one had ever said it before. It left him stunned and his lower lip quivered a bit. His eyes stung, too. He _was_ mean to himself. His self deprecation was suffocating. All he ever thought about was how useless he was. How he was nothing but a no good old loser. A washed up, homeless Madao. He saw his life as nothing but a downwards spiral and his self hate and misery were so great, it was like he could choke on them. So, of course he would think that Gintoki didn't care about him. Didn't want to be around him. He couldn't stand himself and that had to mean no one else could stand him either, right? Especially no one like Gintoki. "I.. I'm sor--"

"Don't. Just... can you promise me one thing, Hasegawa?"

"What is it?"

"Promise me... that you'll try to be less negative? Try it.. for me..." The young man whispered softly, wrapping an arm around himself.

"I.. promise."

"Good..." Gintoki didn't say anything else after that. He'd been exhausted, after all. Now, he was asleep. Hasegawa watched him for a while. Then he finally moved closer. He laid himself down next to the younger man, getting onto his side as well. He stayed close, his chest touching Gin's back. Then he shut his eyes as an arm draped around his waist. He stayed awake for a little longer before falling asleep as well.

GINTOKI WOKE UP FIRST THE NEXT MORNING. He glanced back at Hasegawa and then pulled away. He sat up, leaning back on his hands. The sun was out and shinning. It was a pretty day. The breeze felt nice against his skin and it blew through his silver, natural perm. It was a while before Hasegawa woke up.

When the older man finally opened his eyes, he blinked and stared at the spot where Gin had been sleeping right next to him for a second. Then he saw him. Just sitting there. The light looked like it was illuminating his pale skin and his hair. The sunshine was making him _glow_. Like a bright, shinning star. Hasegawa couldn't help but admire him. He knew what people called Gintoki. The Shiroyasha. The White Yaksha. But... he was nothing like a demon at all in Hasegawa's eyes. He was more like an _angel_ than anything. Sent down from Heaven. He was positive that others felt the same way. Sure, Gintoki had made some mistakes, like everyone, but he was a blessing all the same. He touched so many lives. All the people he's met... they were better off because of him. They had to be.

For so long now, Hasegawa felt like he was in a deep, dark tunnel. A place that no light could ever reach. All the misery he felt about his life and all his misfortunes did _nothing_ but push him further and further back into the tunnel. He was so far away from the light that he gave up trying to get back out. He _let_ himself be pushed deeper and deeper into the darkness. Into the nothingness and despair. But, then, he saw a faint glimmer. Overtime, it became bigger and bigger. It soon became a light so bright that it hurt to even look at. It got closer, too. It got so close that it was within his reach. Yes... the light was right here. Right in front of him. So close that he could reach out and touch it. And he did. Hasegawa lifted his hand slowly, trembling fingers coming up to brush against the jaw of the other. Gin glanced at the man from the corner of his eye then turned his head to very lightly kiss his palm. The brunet then shifted his hand so it was in his bright waves of hair. He sat up and leaned in until their foreheads touched and Gintoki... he was so warm. He always was. Warm and luminescent. Like the sun and moon and all the stars. They both smiled after a moment.

"Good morning, Hasegawa-san..."


	6. HE'S BLOCKING THE SCREEN!

**HASEGAWA DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ANYMORE.** About anything. He took a deep breath as he hung the phone back up. Then, he went and took a seat on the bench nearby. He had just finished talking with his wife. Hatsu wanted to know how he was doing. What was going on. If he had a job. That sort of thing. They had a nice conversation. Really. He hadn't heard her voice in a while and it made him smile. But... at the same time, it made him feel completely awful. She had no idea what he'd done. What he'd _been_ doing. It's not like he could tell her, either. She'd hate him and he wouldn't blame her. He'd never get her back.

That made him wonder, though. What if he never got her back? What if they really went through a divorce? Would he... would he really care? For the most part, yes. He _would_ care. Of course he would! But, there was a small part of him that thought that... he'd be fine without Hatsu. That he'd easily be able to move on. Because, he had _Gintoki_. If he did lose his wife, he'd still have the light at the end of the tunnel. The sun and the moon and the stars, right? The samurai with the silver hair who smiled at him and laid next to him and looked at him like he _mattered_. Like he was more than a Madao. He'd still have him, wouldn't he?

The man sighed loudly and pulled out a cigarette, putting it between his lips. He looked down into the package. He only had two left after this one. With a frown on his lips, he lit the cigarette and started to smoke it. Smoking, as bad as it was, often helped calm him down and relax him. Especially when he felt as terrible as he did right now. He shut his eyes and exhaled, slouching against the back of the bench. He couldn't keep doing this. Not to Hatsu. Not to Gintoki. Not to _himself_. Hasegawa knew what he had to do. As hard as it would be, he had to choose between them. Between the woman he loved and the man he... He took another drag from the cigarette and then swallowed. What did he feel towards Gin? He had never even thought about it up until now. He knew that he cared about him. He longed to be around him. To be _near_ him. He missed him when he was gone. And, when they got intimate with each other, he... The man blew more smoke out from his mouth.

Was this love? Did he _love_ him?

No. No, of course not. He couldn't. He loved his wife. He loved Hatsu. Hasegawa shut his eyes and tried to picture her face in his mind. Yet... he seemed unable to do so. He couldn't remember her face. It was like a blurry image in his head. He knew what she looked like but he.. it just wasn't coming to him. On the other hand, though, he could remember Gintoki's face perfectly. Every vivid detail. Every expression. The young man's face was engraved into his mind. _Burned_ into his memory and his thoughts. His hand trembled a bit. The Madao pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and put it out, despite having just lit it. He felt so sick. Like he was going to double over and vomit any second.

He didn't want to choose. He didn't want to pick between two people he cared deeply about. Hasegawa turned his head up towards the sky. "God, just take me now. End my suffering.." He mumbled then squeezed his eyes shut. Unfortunately, no god struck him down then and there. Which meant that he still had to pick. The man breathed out shakily.

Hatsu... she was such a good woman and such a good wife and the things she'd done for him.. Honestly, she deserved _better_ than him. She deserved a guy who wasn't a useless loser who, up until recently, lived in a cardboard box in the park. He wasn't good enough for her or her love. Now, Gintoki, he wasn't much better than himself, really. He was lazy and irresponsible and broke and a nose-picker and a perm head and, when Hasegawa thought about it like that, in a way... they _almost_ sounded perfect for each other. Right? Two losers. The man offered a slight, almost forced, chuckle at his own thoughts and then crossed his arms over his chest.

But even a guy like Gintoki deserved someone who'd _really_ make him happy. Not some old Madao... No. Stop it. Don't think like that. You promised him, remember? You promised him that you'd stop thinking so negatively, Hasegawa. The man sunk his teeth into his lower lip rather hard before giving a quick shake of his head. Why'd they have to have sex? All it did was complicate _everything_. He had no idea what he even wanted anymore. _Who_ he even wanted anymore. Hatsu. Gintoki. Hatsu. Gintoki. Hat--

"Hasegawa!" Shit. It was him. The older man swallowed as he looked up at Gintoki who was approaching. He came to a stop right in front of him, one of his arms in the front of his yukata.

"I've been looking all over for you, man."

"Have you...? Sorry.. I was on my way back but I had to answer a call from," he cleared his throat, "Hatsu."

"Really? That's great." Gin seemed to be in a fairly good mood today, unlike himself. The brunet slowly glanced off to the side with a quiet exhale. He couldn't agree with the other. He didn't see anything great about any of this.

"Yeah..."

"Speaking of great, I have some great news for you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, totally." Gintoki stated then pulled his arm out of his yukata, holding some rolled up papers in his hand. The sight of the documents made Hasegawa lift his eyebrows upwards ever so slightly. What the hell were those? His first thought was _divorce papers_ but he knew that couldn't be it. "Last week, we had to help this old shop keeper who hired us to do some cleaning and whatever. He didn't have enough money to pay us at the time so, he owed us. I decided to cash that "I owe you" in and..." He handed the papers over to the older man. "Just fill these out and _boom_. You have a job. You're welcome."

"What...?" A job? He looked through the papers then up at the young man who was smirking lightly, looking quite proud of himself. Eyes widened behind his shades. This was too good to be true.

"Oh!" Gintoki then reached into his pocket. He pulled out some cash and forced it into Hasegawa's hand. Lately, everytime they got paid for a job, he'd set some of it aside for the man. Which meant they were definitely broke and Shinpachi and Kagura weren't getting paid but.. were they ever? "There! It's probably not enough to get you a place to live but, it's a start!"

Hasegawa stared down at the documents and the money and then he shook his head just a bit. "There's no way I can acc--"

"Of course you can. You were only supposed to stay at my place for one night, ya know. But then you decided that you might as well _live_ there." Gintoki was talking in that voice. The one that made it seem like he was really upset about something when in reality, he didn't mean it at all. He peered down at Hasegawa with a faint smile on his lips.

The older man knew Gintoki wouldn't take the money back, no matter what he did. So, he really had no choice but to keep it. A soft exhale parted his lips after a moment and then he shook his head once again. Was the younger man trying to get rid of him? He couldn't accept that. The thought of no longer being there with Gin, seeing him, holding him, hearing him, was already tearing the Madao up inside. Thinking about leaving and finding another place made his very heart _ache_. Hasegawa set the papers down on the bench along with the money and then he stood up. "Gintoki..." He swallowed and then his arms fell down to his sides. "There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it? Look, I know that might not be the _best_ job in the world but, you know what they say, beggers can't be ch--"

"I'm thinking about leaving Hatsu." It came out so quick, before Hasegawa even knew what he was saying. He didn't look at Gintoki when he spoke. All he did was stare down at the ground in between them. The man with the silver hair didn't say anything at first but his lips pressed into a thin, barely noticeable but still there frown.

"Hasegawa..."

"There's someone else."

"Hasegawa." Gin said his name again, his tone firmer than before. He knew what the older man was thinking and he knew who this someone else was. Hearing Hasegawa talk like this, it made his heart drop down into his stomach. The look on his face was one he didn't wear often. It was serious. Stern. And even a little melancholy.

"Gintoki, listen to me. I... I want to stay with _you_."

"You can't." Gin's words were sharp and harsh and they made the older man's shoulders tense up. They made him freeze and now he had no idea what to say. His heart seemed to break.. just a little bit. "You have a _wife_ , Hasegawa."

"Please... I.. I don't love her. Not as much as I used to, anyways. Everytime I try to think of her, my thoughts just go to you. _Always_ you. At night, when it's just the two of us, I only want to hold you. And in the morning, when I wake up, I only want to see you. Can't you see? Gintoki, I lo--"

"No you don't." The younger man was quick to interrupt him. He shook his head and then he took a step backwards, putting more space between them. He wasn't looking at Hasegawa. He was staring off at nothing with a deep frown on his lips. His eyes were dull, though. Almost empty. "You love _Hatsu_."

"How can you tell me who I love and who I don't love?" His voice was _**breaking**_.

" _Because_ , Hasegawa, I'm just the guy in front of the TV."

That made the older man stop for a moment and go silent, his shoulders slouching. "What... What does that mean?"

Gintoki turned around and now his back was to Hasegawa. He stared down at his feet. He couldn't look at the other man. Not now. Not when he was shattering his heart into a million pieces. The samurai shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "You know that feeling you get when you're watching your favorite movie and some asshole decides to stand right in front of the TV? You can't see through him so you have no choice but to look _at_ him. He's _right there_ and after a moment or so, he starts making stupid faces. They're so silly that you can't help but laugh at them. Maybe he cracks a joke or two. Anyways, for those few moments.. all your focus switches to him. You forget about the movie. It's your favorite movie in the whole world but you put it to the back of your mind for just a _few seconds_.." Gintoki has to swallow or else his voice will quiver, too. "When he sits back down, though, your eyes are drawn to the screen once again.."

"Gin..."

"What you don't realize until later, is that the asshole who took your mind off the movie by standing right in front of it? He did that during the saddest part of the movie. The part that always made you weep like a baby. He didn't want to see you cry, so he directed your attention to him instead. For just a few moments.."

Then there was a pause.

"That's all I was doing, Hasegawa."

Silence followed and lasted for seconds. Minutes. Hours, it felt like. The sounds of the city around the men were drowned out by the brunet's racing thoughts. His chest was tight. It ached. His heart... it was throbbing like a fresh, bleeding wound. It was crying. He couldn't seen the man's face. This wasn't how this was supposed to have gone. This couldn't be happening, could it? The man who had been so warm to him was now colder and more rigid than a glacier. And Hasegawa hated it. He lifted a hand and his fingers trembled. He reached out for Gintoki's wrist but the younger man moved his arm away before he could touch him. Then he took a step forward.

"Gintoki, wait--"

He took another step forward.

"Please... just.. I don't get it. _Why_? I don't understand."

That made the man with the silver hair stop walking. He sighed out loudly before closing his eyes. "This whole time... you were worried that I was using you, right? That I only did the things I did because you were _easy_?" Gintoki started and then he turned around, finally facing him again. He walked back towards the elder, staring right at him. When he got so close that their chests were touching, he lifted a hand and used it to cup Hasegawa's face. Gin's touch was still cold but he leaned into it anyways.

"Believe me when I say this, Hasegawa... I was _never_ using you." Gin wanted to get closer but this was as close as he'd let himself come. "You were so scared that I was. That's why you kept asking so many questions. That's why you always hesitated. Because, in your mind, who could ever enjoy spending time with an old Madao? But... I promise. You were never being used." The samurai's voice dropped down to a whisper.

" _I_ was the one being used."

Hasegawa's dark hues widened behind his sunglasses and he shook his head before lifting a hand. He placed it over Gintoki's. He was relived that he could touch him this time. "Gin, that isn't true at all. I wasn't using you."

"You were." The younger spoke gently and then he shook his head. "But it's okay. You didn't know that you were. Besides, I was letting you use me."

"Gintoki..."

"No offense, but I think I have more to offer than a washed up old loser like you." Gin tried to joke but his tone lacked its usual playfulness. The chuckle he let out was empty and forced. A moment passed before he cleared his throat. "Seriously.. I was making you happy, wasn't I? I was making you forget all your problems, even for just a while, right?" He got no verbal reply. Just a slow nod.

"You were using me to make you feel better, Hasegawa. To bring you pleasure and solace and comfort. But don't think, for one second, that being used by you made me unhappy. Because it didn't. I _wanted_ you to use me." After that, he pulled his hand away from the older man and then fixed his gaze up on the sky. It was getting pretty late already. How long had they been out here?

Hasegawa's heart was racing, beating loudly in his chest. So loudly it was hard for him to hear anything else. He knew that this... this was it. That this was the end of _them_. Had there ever been a them to begin with, though? Or had this whole thing just been him using that young man as a distraction? No. That wasn't completely true. It couldn't be. He cared deeply for Gin. So very deeply. He dreamed of him and longed for him and wanted him. Yet, the samurai had made it very clear that they would never be anything else. He wasn't going to argue or fight. That would be pointless. The decision had already been made. Still, the man wondered, could he at least kiss him goodbye? He put a hand to Gintoki's chest and leaned in towards him. Their lips got close but never met. The younger man pushed Hasegawa's head away and turned around afterwards.

"Get that job, Hasegawa. Then, get yourself a place to stay. You'll make Hatsu very happy if you do. She loves you, you know. Just as much as you love her."

Then Gintoki started to walk away. Without another word, he slowly moved forwards and left the other man there. Hasegawa couldn't see his face. Just his back. He slowly sunk down to his knees and watched as the man who meant so much to him walked away. He waited. He waited to see him smile that smile from over his shoulder. But, it never came. He never looked back.

Instead, after putting quite a bit of space between them, Gintoki turned around and he faced Hasegawa completely. And then he grinned. He grinned the biggest and brightest grin that Hasegawa had _ever_ seen. It was so bright and warm that he was thankful for his sunglasses. Otherwise, he feared that he'd be blinded. The corners of his eyes stung and now tears were running down his face. He couldn't stop crying.

"See you around, Hasegawa-san."

Gintoki walked away, after that, and he didn't stop this time. And he didn't look back. He couldn't. It would be too much. This whole time, Shinpachi and Kagura had been waiting for him just up ahead and when the man approached, they fell in and started walking right at his sides. They noticed the faint smile on his lips. It was genuine yet it didn't completely reach his eyes. There was something sad and heartbreaking about his gaze.

"Gin-san?" Shinpachi spoke up softly.

"What?"

"Are you... okay?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be? I was just doing my job."


	7. LOVE, HAPPINESS, AND ALL THAT OTHER CRAP.

**GINTOKI DIDN'T SEEM TO BE AS HAPPY AS HE WAS LAST WEEK.** Not since Hasegawa left. Only a few days had passed but he'd already reverted back to his old self. He didn't accept _any_ jobs (not that they got very many). He said his head hurt one day. The next day, it was his stomach. Really, he just didn't feel like doing anything except laying around and reading shonen manga. He didn't even try to pay the rent on time and when that old bat came to yell at him, he just stared at her with half lidded eyes and picked his nose. He didn't even argue back. Gin didn't really smile much, either. He only gave short, half smiles every once in a while. They never lasted.

Shinpachi and Kagura obviously noticed that something was up. Shinpachi knew what it was. He'd seen the way he had been around the older man. How much he smiled and laughed. Then, he saw what happened in the park. They hadn't been close enough to hear anything that was being said, but the kids saw it all. Seeing it was enough for him to know what happened.

"What's his problem? Did he get dumped or something?" Kagura had asked that night after Gintoki went to his room. He hadn't said a single thing on the walk back. All he did was stare ahead quietly.

"Something like that... It's because of Hasegawa-san."

"That old _Madao_? What'd he do to him?" The young girl had almost sounded ready to beat Hasegawa's ass. Shinpachi just exhaled and pushed his glasses up.

"Gin-san... he's like this because Hasegawa's not going to live here with him anymore." Shinpachi's head then turned towards the samurai's bedroom. "He cared about him a lot. He wanted him around, too. He knew he couldn't stay forever, though. So, he kicked him out."

Kagura looked towards Gintoki's room, too, and pouted just a little bit. The boy put on a smile after a few moments. "I'm sure he'll bounce back in a day or two. Don't worry."

It had been three days and Gintoki only seemed worse off than that night. Currently, he was laying on one couch with his hands behind his head and an open JUMP resting on his face. His eyes were shut underneath it. He had been like that all morning. He'd only moved once and that was to take a piss. After that, he went right back to silently laying down. He didn't want to talk and he had nothing to say. You see...

Gintoki's chest felt heavy. The guilt was weighing him down. Hasegawa... he'd felt comfortable and trusting and open enough to share his deepest thoughts and his feelings and the second he did, the younger man immediately shut him down. He had no right to do that. Not when it was his own fault Hasegawa was feeling this way. This whole thing was just supposed to be a one night stand. When he saw the older man in the park that evening so many nights ago, they talked for a while and he could just _hear_ the pain and misery and self hate in the Madao's voice. He couldn't stand the sound. So, later on, he kissed him. To make him forget his troubles. Just for a few seconds. And, of course, one thing led to another.

But that wasn't the end of that. It was _supposed_ to have been but when he saw Hasegawa homeless and trying to sleep on that bench under the newspaper, he acted without thinking and offered to let him stay the night at his place. It was only supposed to be _one night_. Then, it turned into two. Then three. Then four. He wasn't supposed to have stayed that long. Really. But he did. It was Gin's own fault, of course. He let him stay. It was also Gin's fault he kissed him in the living room that day when the kids went to the store. It was his fault he took him to the bathroom at the hostess bar and it was his fault that he laid with him in the park underneath the stars. Gintoki, at the start, just did what he did to distract the older man. To make him feel _better_. But then... he started to get selfish. He started to do it for himself. Not Hasegawa. That's why he was to blame.

If Gintoki had kept the man at arms distance like he should've from the start, then he wouldn't have gotten attached. Then _neither_ of them would've gotten attached. All the man with the silver hair had accomplished, was making the other feel _worse_. He confused him. He caused him to get feelings for someone other than his beloved wife and then he shattered his heart and told him his feelings weren't valid or real. But what else was he supposed to do? This is the way things had to be. For Hasegawa's sake.

For a moment, though, Gintoki let himself think about "what if". What if he let Hasegawa stay? What if he let Hasegawa leave his wife for him? What if he accepted his feel--

No. That's all he'd let himself wonder. Thinking like that was dangerous. No new doors could be opened. No. They had to stay shut and locked. The key had to be thrown out. All the possibilities for what could be... well, they _couldn't_ be. All the unexplored options had to stay that way. Unexplored. Uncharted. Unknown. The young man pushed those thoughts far, far away to the back of his brain and then he bottled them up forever.

A low sigh left Gin and then he frowned deeply to himself underneath the manga. When Hasegawa had leaned in to kiss him one last time... he had been _so_ tempted to accept it. So tempted to just give in. To let their lips meet. It took every cell in his body to push the man away. He knew that if they kissed right then and there, he'd never be able to let go. But he had to. He had to let him go. So, he was left with no choice but to be cold and cruel. He could no longer be the warmth that the other man desired. Which was hard for him because he wanted to be. And not only that. Hasegawa, without even knowing it, had given him warmth, too. And much like the older man, he _longed_ for it. Yet, that warmth wasn't his to have or to receive. It was Hatsu's. He couldn't take him from her.

Ugh. All of these depressing thoughts were starting to give Gin a headache. He pulled his JUMP away from his face to take in a breath of fresh air. Then he shut it and tossed it onto the coffee table. Stop being so depressed over some dumb old loser like Hasegawa. Has his depression rubbed off on you? Is it contagious or something? He huffed and rolled onto his side only to immediately jump. Shinpachi and Kagura were right there, standing above him. How had he not noticed them before?

"Can I help you?" Gintoki muttered out and then sighed loudly before sitting up. He yawned, elbows digging into his knees. After a few seconds passed, he relaxed against the back of the couch. He looked up at the kids and then stared straight ahead, his arms staying down at his sides.

"Gin... if you liked having that old Madao around then... why'd you make him leave?" Asked the young girl.

That made the man sigh loudly, his head giving a shake. "You're both too young to understand."

"I think we'll understand just fine." Shinpachi stated and then crossed his arms over his chest. Gintoki really didn't feel like explaining anything to them. Yet, he didn't want to argue, either. He shut his eyes and leaned his head back, hanging it over the back of the couch.

"I was just distracting him from his problems for a little bit. That's it. That's all. I was tired of him being around. He snored too loudly and slept too close and kept drinking my strawberry milk. Stupid Madao..." The boss of the yorozuya waved a hand dismissively and then felt the couch dip beside him. Kagura had sat right down by him. It made him huff a bit. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. Now, Shinpachi was behind him and the couch on his other side. They were practically staring at him.

"Why are you both looking at me like that, huh? You look so depressed. It's annoying. You're too young to be depressed. Kids don't have anything to be depressed about." They didn't say anything. He took a deep breath before sitting up again and crossing his arms.

"You really liked him, didn't you?" The young boy asked and Gin just shrugged in reply. Shinpachi and Kagura shared a look. They had known Gintoki for a while now. They could tell he was upset. Upset about that man. They could see it clear as day. They knew the samurai would never admit it. Never say it out loud. Never express it with words. That's just the way he was, after all. That was fine. They didn't need to hear him say it. The look in his eyes was enough.

Before the man knew what was happening, he felt two little arms around his stomach and when he looked down, Kagura was hugging him. He was very caught off guard by the sudden display of affection and his expression was one that expressed clear confusion. Then he huffed a bit and tried to push her head away. "Hey! Cut that ou--" He was interrupted because now there were arms wrapped around his shoulders. Shinpachi was hugging him from behind. "Not you too, Shinpachi!" He was pushing at both of their heads to get them away but he just couldn't. Truthfully, he wasn't trying very hard. Then, there was a shadow hovering over him. Sadaharu. The dog licked the side of his face and he shut his eye to keep slobber out of it. "Gross, Sadaharu.."

"Would you all cut it out?" He huffed but he shut his eyes anyways and leaned into their arms, just a bit. Gintoki knew why they were doing this. He knew that they were worried about him. He _had_ been acting different, after all. They were doing this because they wanted him to feel better. They cared about him. They _loved_ him, even. And you know what? He loved them, too. These two stupid kids meant a whole lot to him. Just like Hasegawa Taizou. That stupid, useless old dork... He loved him as well. He loved him a lot, actually. Enough to hurt himself in order for him to be happy. And Gintoki was okay with that. He was _happy_ with that.

Gintoki smiled, then. He smiled despite the stinging in his eyes. He lifted his hands and put one against the side of Shinpachi's head and the other on the back of Kagura's. "Oi, stupid brats..."

ONE WEEK LATER, GINTOKI GOT A PHONE CALL. When the phone started ringing, the man pushed himself up and off the couch with a loud sigh as he made his way over to the desk. He picked it up after yawning under his breath and put it to his ear as he crossed his other arm over his chest. "Hello?" He said, his tone lazy and coming off harsher than he'd intended.

"Gin-san! Hey!" The voice he heard on the other end made his wine red eyes widen. He gripped the phone tighter in his hand, pressing it even closer to his ear.

"Hasegawa? What do _you_ want?"

Laughter followed his words and Gintoki leaned back against the desk behind himself. "So, funny story... I may have gotten fired from my job."

"Are you kidding me!? After everything I did to get you that job! And what about that money I gave you, huh? It better not have gone to fueling your nicotine addiction!"

"No! No... it didn't. Buuut... I'm still homeless."

"Hasegawa--"

"I know, I know. I'm a total failure."

The silver haired samurai sighed out loudly and shut his eyes, turning his face up towards the ceiling.

"Why'd you call me, Hasegawa-san?"

"Well... let's just say that my favorite movie has lots of sad parts."

Such a statement caught Gintoki off guard but then, he smiled lightly and shook his head in what could only be amusement. "So, you need another distraction, huh?"


End file.
